Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
