I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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