your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Boobs are out for the taking
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
