JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
