I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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