since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
