The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
