$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
