Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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