God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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