sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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