He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
