I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
