I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
