Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
