i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
