Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
