My balls are so social today.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
