Cold hands, warm shart.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
