I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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