U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
