we need to drink 2009 down the drain
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
