i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
