the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
