The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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