& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
