FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
