I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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