You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize