I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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