I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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