Umm I'm too high to move.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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