If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
