I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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