i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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