remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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