my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
