It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
