just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
