Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
