How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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