I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
