I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
