they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
