you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
