Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
