Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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