I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
