I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
