Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
