Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Randomize
