I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
