We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
