No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
