We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
