ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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