so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
