I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
