A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dating After Heartbreak
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me