I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.