I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
