my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol