would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
high people should be assigned attendants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
