And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
