he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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